Play:

This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your

nocturnal games.  Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play.  It is important

though to maintain one's Dignity at all times.  If you should have an accident during play, such as

falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I MEANT to do that!"  It

fools those humans every time.

Catch Mouse:

The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They

are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world,

though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack

can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first

to taste the Bed Mouse!  Doing this to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from

the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them.

This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again.

Favorite Cat Toys:

Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a Good Toy.

Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away.

Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops

and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys:

1. Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or

humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.

2. Dangly or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss also make

excellent toys. They're favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on

3. When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug

Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make

you lose your Dignity.

4. Paper bags. Within paper bags dwell the Bag Mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same

color as the bag, so they are hard to see.  But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as

they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them.

NOTE: Any other cat you may find in a bag hunting for Bag Mice is fair game for a Sneak Attack,

which will usually result in a great Tag match.  Remember, above all, attack and destroy any decora-

tion, stuffed toy, or cat sized ornament that could be misconstrued as your competition.

Sleeping:

As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is

generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good,

especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator,

so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being

seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a

good compromise. Always sleep on the human at night so so he cannot move around.

Bathrooms:

Always accompany guests to the bathroom.  It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

Scratching Posts:

It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of

what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on

it.  Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around won't help, as they are very observant. If you

are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is a definite no-no!

Humans:

Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean

the litter box. It is important to maintain one's dignity when around humans so that they will not

forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if

you start early and are consistent. You will then have a smooth-running household.

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